Fallout

Yesterday the foot was taken off the landmine that has been haunting our family for the last almost 2 years.  Eric was sentenced to 365 days in jail, and 10 years on the sex offenders registry for the lies that my oldest children dreamed up.  I listened as E read her emotional,and completely made up letter to the judge.  She describes things that never happened, in no detail, that are completely different from what she first told her case worker all those months ago.  The judge didn't even bother to note the inconsistency of the story, and the joke of a public defender didn't bother to point it out either.

I don't know how to go on.  Eric is the half of me that holds all the broken messy bits together.  He is the reason that I am even remotely sane and functional.  He is gone.  My older children are dead to me.  I want nothing to do with them, right now that means forever.  But my momma heart knows that if they will just make things right, my family can be whole.

I know that the Lord has his hand in this, that this is part of a bigger picture that I cannot see.  But I just want my soul back.  I need him more than I need oxygen.  I'm terrified for him, as he is now considered a child molester.  All for simply trying to love my children.  I guess that my ex's genes were to much to over come,  Some decisions haunt you for the rest of your life. I regret ever meeting Kyle Harvey, let alone marrying and having children with him.  Eric did nothing to deserve this.  NOTHING!

I'm lost, and alone, and so frightened.  I have survived these last 2 years with him holding me together.  I'm so afraid for him, he is a kind, sweet man who is in the darkest of places with the meanest of humankind.  I worry for him every second.

My life is destroyed, the devastation from the evil that i brought into this world has seen to that.  I have no home, no income, no hope.  I can only cling to the last thin shred of my faith that the Lord will keep us safe, because heavens knows I can't.